The Fellows of St Judas College are electing a new Master.
The choice has almost been made. It is Kerris Bowles-Ottery, a distinguished scientist. His smooth ways charmed the Fellows, especially the ones who look like elderly crocodiles.
He’s an FRS. He has Friends of the Right Sort.
The Bowles-Ottery laboratory is well funded by generous grants and donations. The Fellows believe that he can raise money for the College. “Repayments to the bank for the new accommodation building are heavy“, sighed the Bursar. Still, there is a big difference between getting money from companies for applied science and raising money from philanthropists for heavily mortgaged College buildings.
But, alarming stories have reached the Fellowship.
Kerris Bowles-Ottery was not entirely accurate about his qualifications – including on his curriculum vitae, his application and on multiple websites.
Kerris Bowles-Ottery is the head of a department famous for its toxic atmosphere and serial bullying.
Kerris Bowles-Ottery’s behaviour in his department has been heavy-handed. Individuals were forced out if they disagreed with him.
Kerris Bowles-Ottery was involved in an incident in which the laboratory of one of his rivals was closed down. This led to the interruption or destruction of academic careers of many young scientists, as well as the spawning of multiple ongoing court cases.
And then there is his not so private life …
Fortunately, St Judas College decided to get a second opinion. They asked Miranda Priestly.
Miranda said “Kerris Bowles-Ottery is the perfect Head of Department. He crushes all dissent. His emails are masterclasses in domination.“
Miranda delicately trembled with an emotion that we won’t name. “If only every Head of Department were like Kerris Bowles-Ottery, the University would be even more terrifying than it already is.”
The Fellows were reassured.
Two black owls came and perched on the battlements of the Chapel of St Judas. The owls remained there howling through the night and at dawn they flew away to an unknown place.
The 21 Group emphasises that this is a work of fiction. Any similarities to actual persons, whether living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental.
0 Comments