{"id":2837,"date":"2025-10-25T07:34:52","date_gmt":"2025-10-25T06:34:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/?p=2837"},"modified":"2025-10-25T07:34:53","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T06:34:53","slug":"i-loved-my-life-until","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/?p=2837","title":{"rendered":"I Loved My Life Until &#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Introducing the University of Cambridge Dignity at Work Policy\" width=\"750\" height=\"422\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/pizOGdQK4tE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Following last week\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/21percent.org\/?p=2793\" title=\"diary entries\">diary entries<\/a> on the impact of bullying on a young academic, this week another victim from Cambridge University steps forward to speak out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this instance, the mistreatment of the early career researcher has been reported to the pro-Vice Chancellor for Community and Engagement. He has failed to act for months, despite receiving Whistleblowing and Safeguarding disclosures in August 2025.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There seems to be a disparity between the words in the &#8216;Dignity at Work&#8217; video above and the actions of some senior University officers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As this is another disturbing story, we emphasise anyone experiencing bullying should get support and care. Protecting your mental health is vital. You don\u2019t have to face this alone. Speaking with a counsellor or mental health professional can help ease the strain and guide you toward survival and recovery. For further information and resources, please visit our <a href=\"https:\/\/21percent.org\/?page_id=260\" title=\"mental health support pages\">mental health support pages<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The 21 Group is deeply grateful to our contributor for their courage in sharing this very troubling story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We are always interested in publishing the experiences of bullied victims in Universities. We need to hear these voices. We need \u201cto break the silence\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Please use&nbsp;<a href=\"mailto:contact@21percent.org\">contact@21percent.org<\/a>&nbsp;to tell us your story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>&#8220;Three years ago, I loved my life. I loved waking up and going to the lab, teaching, and learning alongside students who inspired me as much as I inspired them. I thrived on the discipline of sport \u2014 rowing, running, and triathlons \u2014 and rarely missed a day of training. My diet, sleep and focus were strong. I believed that with enough willpower I could overcome anything. The future looked bright, full of discovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that life has disappeared. My days begin around 4 a.m., when I wake in a sweat despite a constant room temperature. My heart races, my mouth is dry, and my stomach churns with sudden fear. In the past, these sensations came only during acute stress, but now they arrive daily, before I am even fully awake. Staying in bed intensifies them, yet getting up brings no relief. I have lost interest in everything, and anxiety fills each waking moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My appetite is gone. Food tastes flat. Many days I eat only once \u2014 sometimes just a sandwich. Blood tests have shown abnormal liver function, and recently I began to experience internal bleeding. I have been sent for repeated tests on blood and stool, and regular appointments with my GP have become routine. She worries about my health and tells me to avoid the source of stress, but that is impossible. Antidepressants were offered, but I declined. They cannot treat the cause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For two years I tried to find a solution through the proper channels. I believed that if the Department ignored the misconduct, higher levels of the University would act. I wrote to the Head of School, University HR, the Academic Secretary and even the Vice-Chancellor. None of them responded. Each silence deepened the damage \u2014 not only to my career, but to my body. The continued dismissal of evidence left me feeling powerless. Chronic powerlessness has become illness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The past months have been even worse. When I was dismissed from my research position, I still trusted that my college would act differently. For years, colleagues there had told me I was not alone. Yet when I finally asked for help, they withdrew. People I had known for years avoided me because my situation might cause discomfort or risk. I learned from the porters \u2014 not from any official communication \u2014 that my Fellowship had not been renewed. The Master and Senior Tutor, who had all the medical letters and evidence, never spoke to me directly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The sense of abandonment is physical. It lives in my chest, in my stomach, in my skin. I feel constantly tense, with nausea, dizziness, and trembling that sometimes leaves me unable to stand. The first time I thought about suicide, I felt deep shame. I called 111, and they told me I was having a panic attack \u2014 that suicide would not solve the problem, and I should see my GP urgently. I understood them, but I had already exhausted every avenue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, suicidal thoughts come more often. The physical sensations \u2014 the nausea, the tingling, the dizziness \u2014 have become constant companions. My body feels as if it is slowly shutting down under unrelenting stress. I know that if I took my life, it would be the final proof of what the institution has ignored: that neglect and abuse have real, measurable, physical consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I remain, technically, a member of the University of Cambridge, though it is against the University\u2019s will. I am no longer proud of this affiliation. I have learned how power truly operates \u2014 how reputation and hierarchy outweigh truth, health, and humanity. I stay only because leaving would mean surrendering entirely. I continue to fight for what I believe is right, though I know that each day the struggle erodes what strength I have left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The damage is no longer only emotional. It is written in my blood tests, my sleep, my digestion, my heartbeat, my skin. My body has become the record of what has been done to me.&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Following last week\u2019s diary entries on the impact of bullying on a young academic, this week another victim from Cambridge University steps forward to speak out. In this instance, the mistreatment of the early career researcher has been reported to the pro-Vice Chancellor for Community and Engagement. He has failed [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2837"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2850,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2837\/revisions\/2850"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/21percent.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}